The Club's Results

City Sprints, May Term 2005

The Arrows IV feat. 'Muscles' Mycroft, Darts Players Don't Do Rowing, But If They Did They'd Probably Be The Best Rowers In The World (CRA Nv 4+)

Crew list for 2 races:

The Arrows IV feat. 'Muscles' Mycroft, Darts Players Don't Do Rowing, But If They Did They'd Probably Be The Best Rowers In The World
in Scylla
bow Bryn Garrod 2 Phil Horler
3 Chris Mycroft str Dan Newton

Coxed by: Tamir Saeed

Crew list for 1 race:

The Arrows IV feat. 'Muscles' Mycroft, Darts Players Don't Do Rowing, But If They Did They'd Probably Be The Best Rowers In The World
in Michael Longford
bow Bryn Garrod 2 Phil Horler
3 Chris Mycroft str Dan Newton

Coxed by: Tamir Saeed

Quarter finals
Beat CCRC easily
We rowed like p*o. Yet we were more muscular, more technically gifted and more aesthetically pleasing and so cruised to victory. (Dan Newton)
Semi finals
Beat another CCRC by 1 length
Having rowed and broked M Longford we were in Scylla for this round.

We had to change shoes so that our feet fitted. As a result we were late to marshall (the pre-race wait, not the person).

This problem could have been avoided if every female on the planet (who rowed) had her feet enlarged to respectable male proportions. It would also mean that fewer rowing shoes would need to be made. There would be correspondingly less child labour forced to make them in the far east and so less human suffering in general. (Dan Newton)
We decided whilst in the boat bays that we weren't going to get our boat out until the hail stopped. If we missed the race then fine, but we weren't going to get wet (soft I know, but we're more acclimatised to pub sports now. We probably would have gone out in the end anyway - the shame would have been unbearable otherwise). The weather broke for just long enough for us to boat, and as we pushed off the rain came down hard again. Serves us right for being pathetic I guess.

We rowed a lot better in this race, probably down to the increased stability which results in a crew with an average weight of 85kg rowing in Scylla. (Phil)
I've got a better [if perhaps slightly more controversial] suggestion Dan, perhaps men would have less issues with fitting their feet into women's shoes if they didn't break so many boats :)? (Lilie)
Unfortunately that doesn't address the far more important issue raised - child labour and human suffering in the far east. Dan's appears to be the only workable solution. (BJ)
Final
Ground FaT A into the dust (but lost on a technicality (1/4 of a length))
Like the heavyweight boxing title of the world this race was begun well before we even hit the water with much witty repartee exchanged between crews, though the press conference had to be called off as tempers were flaring. Our crew took the heavyweight boxing analogy too far however by being overweight, under-trained and very arrogant.

The organisers intentionally had us wait for ten mintues at the stake boats for a crew late-to-marshall to arrive so as to up the ante. During this time the verbal battle commenced with the Arrows IV proving themselves to be in a different league. The best the FaT A crew could muster was some gutteral excretions from James 'the yank' Scott, a Black Adder quote from Dan 'funny man' Jane that bombed painfully and a link from our official race title 'FaT B' to the primary school insult 'FaT Bumheads'. Honestly guys. Sort it out.

Then the race started. They had a better boat, better blades and we decided to be sporting and not gear up (take off the clams) and yet it was reeeeeeeeaaaaally close. We lost physically by a mere 'honkhonk' (meaning the finish line honks were so close together). We did win a moral victory though.

After the race we spun and then waited behind FaT A for the river to be clear to go back to the boathouses. We slowly edged up to them and the stroke man (at the behest of the other members of the crew) splashed the cox with his blade. Teeheehee.

The FaT A's comeback was 'Thunderbirds' outside the boathouses. Something we had already considered but decided was beneath us. It pains me to say their Thunderbirds went so badly they felt the need for more revenge. They therefore reverted to boatie basics and threw moi in the river. An extremely irresponsible, childish, immature and cold act. Almost as extremely irresponsible, childish, immature and cold an act as Bryn then pushing two of them in after me. Mwahahaha.

We won in all but the race and looked good doing it. A good days work. FaT A, better luck next time. (Dan Newton)
With 3 of the 4 rowers having done no training whatsoever since March (unless you count playing darts, drinking ale and eating pie), this was a pretty impressive result I feel. Perhaps the 1st VIII should spend a little less time on the water and a little more at the oche.... (Phil)
Phil Horler is a dirty rotten liar. I, in my illustrious capacity as Coach-in-Chief of the Arrows VIII (of which Bryn, Phil, and Dan are members), have worked those boys to the bone. No training?!?!?! HA! We'll see how you enjoy your next outing, you puddinheads. (James)

1. now if only we could...
2. did we mention this ...
3. a length ahead
[more...]


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