A gentle start and sedate rhythm saw me testing my injury and remaining 1/2l down from the staggered start. Clearly this was not to be tolerated, so a spectacular 10 stroke burst at 300m in saw me raise the rate by at least 10 pips and cruise past a floundering gaylord. Despite a return to quiching I was left with a respectable win from just a few strokes of actual effort. (Rose the Twat)

Having forgotten to square one of my blades, my 1/2l outside station advantage was quickly turned around into a 2/3l deficit. This was the situation for the first 150m, until I decided a push might be in order, which closed the gap to 1/3l. Some confusion over the bank steering and proximity of a New Hall VIII meant I stopped for a stroke and went back to 2/3l. At this point the competition took a slight downturn as it became clear that neither party wanted to have to attempt swapping the blades over and were thus getting slower and slower. This seemed a slightly sorry state of affairs, but thankfully we both realised that I could just change the rules instead (and wait until it was sunny) so we sprinted for the line over the last 100m. I won (just). (Rose the Twat)

How come RTT gets to win his own regatta? Surely should be against the rules! (Dubya)