All race reports for Matthew Yoko
Event: May Bumps 2022 - Thursday
Posted as: Matthew Yoko
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The boys had a lot on the line today. If bumped, we’d really struggle to get back into div 2 come Saturday, which would mean no evening outings or yellow flag rowing for the next year. Sub-optimal. Nerves were on edge after seeing the Magdalene boys looking extra chunky and hearing that their paddle down to the lock made Fordy start doubting our odds.
With nothing scary chasing them, Magd went tits out from the start. It was ideal then that Bomber blessed us with the shittest push-out in recent memory (his words, not mine), leaving Emily lying on the stern to hold on to the bung, and our bows pointing to the opposite bank. This set the boys up for one hell of a fight, with Magd quickly closing in and getting overlap around both Grassy and Ditton.
Totally relaxed about Magd’s bow ball surging for Emily’s spine, the boys held the rhythm and dug deep into the pain cave. With this, the whistles dropped from continuous to three, to two, to one, and the Magd boys gave up and dropped to a paddle. Not our boys though, we stubbornly held a solid rate 35 until Magd was in a different post code. At that point, Bomber generously let us know we could probably take it down two pips.
Event: May Bumps 2022 - Friday
Posted as: Matthew Yoko
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I was feeling more worried about this race than any other. We now had more races on our legs than Magd, and they really got a sniff of us yesterday. To make things worse, today was hot enough to make the devil sweat, and it was really draining our energy. We’d need to take care to stay cool and hydrated to avoid heat stroke, which had already claimed a number of rowers and coxes in the earlier divisions. Krisztian, with the life preservation skills of a toddler, arrived with a small bottle of water and a snickers bar, and had to be reminded every few minutes to stop standing in the sun. Absolute dickhead.
Mercifully, today Magdalene had Queens chasing them and couldn’t fly-and-die like yesterday. This afforded us a relatively uneventful row over, even if we had to hold a solid pace for the whole course. After crossing the finish line and having a little shout, we congratulated the Magdalene boys and promised to send them a slower boat for tomorrow.
Event: May Bumps 2022 - Friday
Posted as: Matthew Yoko
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This was it - our ticket back to div 2. As we pulled off at the lock, Bomber launched into one of his soliloquies and let us know that we shouldn’t fuck this up. We’d need to get on the legs and work hard to catch Jesus, who were looking on average about 20 kg heavier than us (this isn’t difficult, but it is scary to see).
Taking this to heart, the boys launched into the most lethargic start of our bumps campaign. We’re not talking a split or two shy of peak speed, but a whopping 10 splits slower than usual. Jesus disappeared chasing down Clare and quickly got some whistles (which Krisztian seems to think were somehow for us ?!?). As with Magdalene, the boys stayed calm and settled on to a base speed that Jesus couldn’t match. After around 5 minutes of sprinting, Jesus was running out of legs, so we gently walked up and gave them a little kiss with our bow.
For the boys, this meant everything. We’d restored honour to our name by climbing back to div 2. We celebrated with a lot of shouting, slapping of water, and some swearing that the marshals seem to have let slide. At this point Bomber brought us back to Earth by turning to Fordy with ‘well it’s not like they’ve won the fucking thing’…
Event: Fairbairn Cup 2022 - Senior VIIIs
Posted as: Matthew Yoko
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He did not, in fact, ”offer up” his post-race slab of chocolate. Bogdan somehow scored a piece, and Frith ate the rest.
