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Prior-Art-O-Matic

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priora...

from a normal pair of shoes, Wed 9th Oct, 10:56pm

rowing is a contraceptive device that has no moving parts!

first and third is a saucepan that lasts forever!

dubya is a strain of bacteria that cleans itself!

the peckster is a parachute that can be bolted onto a cufflink and responds to ambient light changes.

hours of fun...

by jmg - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 2:15am

quiche is like a normal t-shirt, but it lasts up to a week

by stateside - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 2:16am

scarily accurate - jmg48 is a window pane that can cook small meals and connects to the Internet.

The 30 most recent of the 30 remaining posts in this thread are shown below
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by stateside - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 2:18am
votes please, Chris and I are undecided as to who is best: chris is a jetpack that plays MP3s! It communicates with wireless devices and does away with household drudgery jon is a samurai sword that shoots laser beams and comes with its own storage kennel

by mjb - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 7:22am
matthew byrne is a hearing aid that makes amusing belching noises, knows what you want before you do and obeys simple instructions. I reckon the samurai sword beats the jetpack any day.

by like a normal handheld skateboard, but it knows your name - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 7:37am
To settle the age old debate... Strokeside is a key-ring that can emulate a ZX Spectrum! It never needs repairing. Bowside is a tricycle! It picks up Radio Four! Pretty conclusive, methinks. BTW, the most eerily accurate one yet: Coxing is a hi-fi that runs on compressed air and has no moving parts.

by A razor that moulds to fit its user, floats in water and will not work outside of the UK. - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 9:45am
Black Prince is a bracelet! It quacks like a duck! Black Prince Boat Club is a computer mouse that swears, is water-resistant and is made of rubber. Magpie & Stump is a piece of string that's fully recycleable! It fits into the boot of a car. May Bumps is a scooter that emits dangerous radiation! It looks bigger than it really is and loves children. Lent Bumps is like a normal dog collar, but it may cause drowsiness. Fairbairns is a featureless cube! It may cause drowsiness! Three seat is a Christmas tree that follows a target of your choice! Grassy Corner is a button-badge that revolves, is twenty feet tall and flies like a rocket. Baitsbite lock is an iMac that waters your plants! It weighs less than a packet of cigarettes and sweeps away dust. Plough reach is a biro that kills ants!

by mjg43 is a robotic dog that can pick up digital radio and can move faster than the speed of light. - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 9:46am
Beats a samurai sword or a jetpack any day...

by Mike - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 9:48am
Forget sweep-oared rowing, because sculling is a breakfast cereal that lasts forever, repels bees and tastes delicious. What more could you want?

by Mike - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 9:50am
This one beats the lot: kit and social secretary is a hi-fi that plays a selection of current chart hits!

by RTT - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 10:02am
tom rose is a handheld oven that can speak twelve languages! It is audible only to dogs and requires a sample of DNA. culrc is a riot shield! It is inflammable! cubc is a briefcase! It tells the time! (now for my favourite) cuwbc is a trouser press that irons your shirts! It doesn't need batteries and looks like a pot-plant.

by Mike - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 11:13am
boat club dinner is a handgun that can speak French! It tastes delicious. boat club bop is an alcoholic drink that jams mobile phone frequencies! Not far off...

by like a normal fax machine, but it's inflammable - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 3:38pm
BPBC is a blender that can read warchalking symbols and probably won't work.

by Simon - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 4:02pm
Steph Richards is like a normal robotic dog, but it can be taken apart and reassembled in thirty seconds.

by this is a featureless cube that shoots laser beams and talks - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 4:26pm
Trinity College is an armchair! It can play Mornington Crescent! TCSU is a robotic dog that emits harmful gases!

by prior art is like a normal feather duster, but it tastes delicious - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 5:10pm
Your Mum is an electronic implant that inflates into a dinghy! It emits a constant high-frequency whine.

by mjb - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 6:18pm
Jonathon Davies is an energy drink that holds up to twenty cigarettes! It keeps drinks hot.

by a hearing aid that makes amusing belching noises, knows what you want before you do and obeys simple instructions. - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 6:31pm
For those who don't know the new committee, here's a short description of everyone who hasn't yet been mentioned: Andrew Fisher is like a normal beermat, but it can be assembled from common household parts. Alex Lee is a letterbox that inflates into a dinghy, counts your loose change and makes reassuring noises. Paul Whiting is an oven that has been featured in Star Trek! It looks really, really good. Matt Chamberlain is a letter-opener that works in the opposite way to that which you'd expect, follows you around and never gets tired. Hugh Colvin is like a normal handheld sticking plaster, but it pushes things down staircases. Fan Zhang is a credit card that mows your lawn, can speak twelve languages and can speak twelve languages. Helen Adams is a pillow that remembers your personal preferences! Kim Warren is a suppository that plugs into your personal organiser and can be used to deter muggers. Jenny Kumeta is a sock that induces lucid dreaming! It inflates balloons and smells of flowers.

by mjb - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 6:34pm
Oh, and Matt Byrne is a knife that has velcro pads on the side! It keeps you warm at night.

by mjb - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 6:40pm
prior art is like a normal feather duster, but it tastes delicious said: Your Mum is an electronic implant that inflates into a dinghy! It emits a constant high-frequency whine. actually, My Mum is a T-shirt that disposes of kitchen waste, is inflammable and emits dangerous radiation.

by yo mama is a pen that secretes a sticky glue! - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 8:12pm
Personality traits in an VIII: cox is a burglar alarm! It can be bolted onto a WAP device! stroke is a feather duster! It recites haiku! seven is a sock that can be assembled from common household parts, smells a bit funny and loves children. six is a deck of cards that can be used as a metal detector! five is a necklace that's solar-powered and plays MP3s. four is a shower head! It has adverts on the side! three is a saucepan! It improves upper-body muscle! two is a CD player that cannot be removed from your house! It produces 240v of electricity and probably won't work. bow is an MP3 player that helps the medicine go down! It is voice-activated and comes with a variety of coloured fascias.

by moving a little closer to home ... - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 9:29pm
Trinity College, Cambridge is a fizzy drink that looks really, really good, mows your lawn and rotates at high speed. Great Court is a pair of roller-skates that has room for a web page inside! It does exactly what it says on the tin. New Court is an MP3 player that operates on a quantum level and wears a waistcoat and tie. Neville's Court is a letter-opener that flashes at intervals! It weighs less than a packet of cigarettes. Bishop's Hostel is an aquarium! It may cause drowsiness! Whewell's Court is a stapler that runs on methane! Blue Boar Court is a mattress! It speaks randomly-generated sentences! The Wolfson Building is a pair of roller-skates that moves from side to side! It scares dogs and has a built-in alarm clock. The Avenue is a pudding that blocks spam email! It repairs itself. The Fellows' Garden is a hole-punch that mimics the movements of a lizard, has sleek curves and has been blessed by a priest. Burrell's Field is a tricycle that kills all known germs dead! It contains alcohol and works in the rain.

by I wonder if Martin knows that ... - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 9:30pm
... Catherine Aiken is a strain of bacteria that keeps you warm at night, plays a selection of current chart hits and can be programmed to perform simple tasks.

by Matthew - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 9:35pm
mjg43 is a robotic dog that can pick up digital radio and can move faster than the speed of light. But, apparently, sp289 is a robotic dog that can pick up digital radio and can move faster than the speed of light.

by esther - Thu 10th Oct 2002, 11:08pm
myarse is like a normal electic drill but it pings when its ready The Twat is a normal breakfast cerial, but it soothes babies dan jane is like a hat that can be taken apart and put back together in twenty seconds ed peacock is a normal unicycle, but it may cause drowsiness henry is an umbrella that keeps food fresh for up to eight weeks! It fetches sticks. coxbox is a human clone that produces 240v of electricity, emits dangerous radiation and hangs upside-down from the ceiling. the Alley Catz is a sticky label that sounds better than it looks

by not being unique is a waffle iron that destroys household pests! - Fri 11th Oct 2002, 12:10am
Matthew said: sp289 is a robotic dog that can pick up digital radio and can move faster than the speed of light. Damnit - I thought I was the only robotic dog..!

by mjb - Fri 11th Oct 2002, 7:37am
Esther Hobson is a newly-discovered breed of fish that wears a waistcoat and tie! It blocks UV light and stays exactly where you leave it. Henry Wallis Clouting is like a normal CD player, but it's twenty feet tall. Jon Glass is a CD-rom that's transparent! It plays the theme from Steptoe and Son. Simon Knight is a knife! It can only be operated by a trained professional! Neil Talbott is a pen that irons your shirts! Graham Fisher is a shower head! It explodes when dropped! Sally Painter is a key-ring that smells a bit funny! It keeps your breath fresh for up to twenty-four hours. Judith Geary is a teddybear that has no sharp edges! jmjg2 is a contraceptive device that makes amusing belching noises and remembers your personal preferences. Anna McCreadie is a deck of cards! It picks up Radio Four! am407 is a billboard that improves upper-body muscle and can be used by children.

by mjb - Fri 11th Oct 2002, 7:39am
The Dean is a towel that glows at night, is laced with vodka and sorts your mail. The Master is a bicycle that blocks spam email, doesn't take no for an answer and can cook small meals. The JB is a soft-drink can that stretches to twice its original size and can be programmed to perform simple tasks. The Catering Manager is a fork that provides an RSS feed! It repels bees and increases your sex appeal. The Head Porter is a suitcase that flashes at intervals and can be assembled from common household parts. Mr Coleman is a laser-printer that jumps like a frog! It can speak twelve languages.

by Liquid lunch in the City - Fri 11th Oct 2002, 4:16pm
Drunk on a Friday afternoon is a bathtub that sings comical songs! It freezes anything it touches and hovers three feet from the ground.

by i is a billboard! It weighs anything you put on top of it! - Sun 20th Oct 2002, 8:19pm
cjp46 is a walking stick that's heavier than it looks, makes hilariously rude noises and contains alcohol.

by mjb - Sun 20th Oct 2002, 9:20pm
Sam Adams is an aquarium! It bleeps when you whistle for it!

by Flying - Mon 21st Oct 2002, 2:33pm
Neil Talbott is a pen that irons your shirts! This is clearly wrong - I've never picked up an iron in my life.

by RTT - Mon 21st Oct 2002, 2:40pm
Flying said: This is clearly wrong - I've never picked up an iron in my life. Liar! I distinctly remember seeing you pick up an iron when we were at Keswick Pitch and Putt. I think it was a 9 iron. I had a friend who climbed Skiddaw once.