The Club's Results

Lent Term 2005

3rd men's VIII

Newnham Short Course (Lower VIIIs)

2nd in lower VIIIs, fastest 3rd VIII
Time: 6:03
What a great result! Beaten only by Caius II who are about a division and a half ahead of us in bumps, and managing to beat Maggie III by a minute and a half (either they had a massive equipment failure, or they're just rubbish).

The race itself was solid and went off without any major incident (a pretty rare thing for me). Got a good, chunky rhythm down 1st post reach which set us up well. Unfortunately it went a little soggy in the Gut but we were able to pick it up a little after Grassy and kept up a reasonable pace through to the finish, although our planned sprint from Grassy never really materialised. We could probably rate a little higher in the future and be a little more committed throughout, but, all in all, a good start to the term. (Phil)
And looks like you beat a host of 1st VIIIs as well, including Trinity Hall, starting 4th overall! (Richard)
Our race plan was inconceivably complex but we were simple: mess. Only kidding (sorry 4th VIII report, couldn't resist).

The gents VIII, true to their name, was an VIII. There was, however, nothing gentlemanly and a lot manly about our race. Pulling like horny bisons on speed in mating season we dropped Maggie 3rds behind us like an extremely tall drunken man drops his glass when he picks it up with wet fingers - very easily and a long way.

(serious paragraph)
This race doubled our water time this term. Technique is sound. Lacking the mental and physical toughness that comes from training - we haven't done any. That will come. As will the blades.

Special mention goes to Dubya for coxing; a true gent. We shall be using his 'surge' call of '3...2...1...ENGAGE' no doubt in our rigorous training programme this term.

Nearly had terrible equipment failure in the race, luckily it happened on the row down. Stroke's collar came off (ladies - that's the bit screwed onto the 'blade' that stops it slipping through what's called a 'gate'). For the benefit of the other FaT VIIIs therefore who howled with laughter - IT WAS NOT A CRAB. Grrrrrrrrr.

Just think how many more race (reports) we have before the end of term. Reckon you'll read to the end of all of them?! (Dan Newton)
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Robinson Head (Lower VIIIs)

14th overall, fastest 3rd VIII
Time: 8:55
We agreed before the race that for every good minute of rowing Honey would remove an item of clothing and every minute of bad rowing she would put one back on. When I say we, the stroke thought it a fabulous idea and that was about it.

Having tightened strokes nuts on the way down (they were coming loose) we were set for a typically majestic and commanding race. True to form we charged out of the blocks like a Grand National winner with afterburners.

We rowed like demons for 59 seconds before there was a slight wobble meaning Honey remained fully clothed. This pattern repeated all race, 59 seconds of brilliance and then one weaker stroke let us down. We need to start taking advantage of the fact we have a female cox. (The words 'fact we have a' can be removed from the last sentence).

We posted yet another speedy-gonzalez time. We left our bumps chasers in the same way a Ferrari leaves a Skoda at the lights; a Skoda that's in reverse. And we're pretty at the same time.

Finally if anyone talks about 'rating' any more the stroke will not be responsible for his actions. If we can get say 4 or 5 minutes of consistently good rowing (7 or 8 if it's a cold day requiring extra layers) then the rate will rise all of its own accord you can be assured...

BUGGER ME! Just compared our race result to bumps charts for last Lents. Just call us the giants slayers. From 11th in Div 3 we beat - 17th Div 2, 13th Div 2 and , oh yeah, 9th Div 1. Woohoo! (Dan Newton)
Well Dan......the rating..... Won't say much on it, but I thought it was a lot better than it has been, fairly sharp but still quite relaxed.

It felt as though we put down a lot work, and although the reach wasn't great, overall I was very happy, especially given that we beat Catz 1, Corpus 1 and only a second off Sidney 1. Shame we didn't get Binson 2 though.... (Phil)

1. Looking quite tidy
2. Honey spots the came...

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Pembroke Regatta (College lower VIIIs)

1st round
Had a nice lie-in (except Will, who was subbing into the 2nd VIII!) (Smiley Mark)
2nd round
Beat Magdalene III easily
TR 4.

We pulled far too hard in this race and put in far too much effort. We are a gents VIII so why to people feel the need to be so physical?!?! We could have won rowing in fours at 26. 'COS WE'RE GREAT. (Dan Newton)
Quarter finals
Beat Jesus III easily
Peter Brandt.

Personally I was insulted that Pembroke kept us in this division when clearly the opposition was markedly inferior. In religious terms a Jesus III is never going to beat a Trinity III because not only do we have III Jesus' within our description but III Gods and III Holy Spirits. At 9 celestial bodies to 3 we are 3 times as good. It's simple mathematics.

On a more important note Phil slipped into the Cam on getting out during marshalling - a foot went either side of the backstay. As Will put it 'He's singing a different part in the choir nowadays'. He changed out of his leggings and into Keith's trousers. No one saw his willy. The rigger was bent but we rowed on it and won.

Then we got told if we changed boats before the semis we'd be disqulified; so we changed boats. Back to the boathouse and back up to the start we were told we had been disqualified. But the guy wasn't very assertive so we kept rowing. And when we passed the P&E we kept rowing. And when we got told by the marshall to pull in just before the motorway bridge we pulled in. And she hadn't heard about the disqulaification and Selwyn (our opponents) had been held back at the P&E so we were home and dry!

Either word never got round that we were disqualified or by the time our marshall heard we were rowing down to the start. Teehee. Bet that makes John's who lost to us in the final feel loads better - they lost to a crew that had already been disqualified (and that had had more than it's 3 warnings which also leads to disqualification). We're so naughty. (Dan Newton)
Semi finals
Beat Selwyn III by 1/3 length
I saw this race from the 2nd VIII's marshaling position under the railway bridge. Our boys held a narrow lead on Selwyn coming through the top of the reach and under the bridge. About fifty yards after both boats had passed us (1st & 3rd to the meadow side), the Selwyn cox steered across the middle of the river, leading to a series of blade clashes. It looked to me like 1st & 3rd got the better of the resulting havoc, especially after Selwyn oversteered back into their lane and lost a bit of speed. Didn't see the finish, but it looks like our guys managed to hold them off despite having the outside lane on the final corner. (James)

Bit of hanky panky at the start saw us have to hold it up and restart. Unfortunately stroke's blade from Selwyn was mere inches from the side of our boat at the time and bucketed water over Dilini and I on the hold up. Cheap tactics I thought.

The race was arduous and tough but afterwards I got to play noble gent in looking after Dilini the shivering wee wet thing. This included holding up blankets for her to swap trousers behind (they were donated by Mark), rubbing her legs to get them warm (not sure if this helped but I did it anyway, her lips were to cold to form the words 'Get off me you perv') and hugging. This was my highlight of the day. Oh yeah this and the next race...... (Dan Newton)
Beat Maggie III by 1/3 length

With Dilini wrapped up in an emergency blanket looking like a sweet we rowed down with purpose, pride and pneumonia. Our race attitude was less controlled aggression, less determination and focus - it was more along the lines of 'well we're here, in the final, may as well win I suppose'.

We clashed and bumped and got whistles blown at us (and them) and clashed some more. It was excellent fun, ra ra. Then we won. As you do.

Then we easied next to them who were next to the grey barge and had a chat. 'Great race lads' 'Three cheers' 'We'll get you next time' 'Thought you had it for a minute there' etc etc until...

(Mr Thorne) 'Maggie you're drifting into the grey barge'. At this point their stroke flipped, talk about sore loser, he did not want to talk to us, not at all. And told us so amongst profanities and the like. The marvellous thing about VIIIs being so long though is that you can't hear stroke all too well so his bows and ours carried on with their chatting. His look was textbook. The redness of his face matched his shirt, and I could have sworn there was steam coming out of his ears.

WE BEAT MAGGIE. WE WON. Until someone proves otherwise, we are officially the fastest 3rd VIII on the cam. I bet there's not many people who can say that.

Thanks to Keith for subbing, Will for subbing, and Dil for risking life and frostbite to take down Maggie. (Dan Newton)
I think this was one of the most exciting days of racing I've been involved in. It was always going to be a fairly tough day with two subs in the boat, and a general lack of any fitness within the crew. On top of all this it was very cold, and we rowed badly even at our best moments. Still, we won, and managed massive blade clashes in nearly all of our races! (Phil)
1. We won
2. We beat Maggie
3. Job done! (Smiley Mark)
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Lent Bumps

Bumped Downing III
Been there, done that. (in 1998)- and they were only slightly more competitive then.. (Dubya)
They were rude because we bumped when they crashed on the exit of Grassy, didn't they? Other differences include it being a lovely warm sunny day in 1998! (Martin)
Been there, done that ('98, in exactly the same boat).

Downing have a "unique" method of pushing off, meaning that the bank party were left with the rather curious moral quandry (spelling?) of whether to call "1 length" before the starting cannon....

They were slightly less awful in '98 (only just - probably took us 10/15 strokes further) but were a lot more vocally rude. (Anything to do with being short)
My god we're good.

We pushed out (Thanks Willum T) with great aplomb. Drew for a few. Wound it a little (only with 6 rowers - no sense in overdoing things - phil, fix your seat next time...). Then we strode...

And that was about it. They could at least have made it a bit more entertaining.

HOLD IT UP! Went the call. 2 AND 4! (to get us towards the bank). But what's this - Peterhouse are coming along too tight to the bank from behind - we haven't time to get across... PANIC!) Okay, ALL 8 FROM BACKSTOPS. And off we went again. Held off Peterhouse for long enough to get into the bank. They started a station behind, they were even slower than Downing!

One down, three to go. Minimum. (Dan Newton)
Been there, done that (in 2003).

Andy, you also did it in 2003, as well as 2002. (Richard)
Been there, done that. (in 2002. and Mays 2003)

Bumped easily probably closer to the motorway bridge than first post corner. Downing were slow off the start, and didn't improve much thereafter. Solid row.

Dunno about '98, but in '02, they were similarly slow. (Andy)
Yeah, we didnt know what to expect from Downing today. Turns out we had nothing to worry about. Had overlap by the motorway bridge. I'm sure they put up a better fight back in '98... (Fergus)
Bumped Jesus III
When you think that yesterday we rowed mostly with 6 men and all the excitement came in the clearing then it seems logical that today we row with mainly 7 men and the excitement comes in the marshalling. Maybe...

Rowing down, feeling good, what should happen but Rob's rigger sheers through due to his brute force and constant 110% application. I'll explain it technically and if it doesn't make sense to those who don't know the rowing terms then you may need a rowing dictionary:

Of the three bar things on the metal thing that holds the oar in, the middle (thickest) bar broke in two.


Luckily Iain the super boatman was on hand and he bound the rigger together using nothing but his bare hands, a make-shift splint (from an iron rod he just happened to be carrying), and a lot of gaffer tape.

Rob was to row ghost pressure, and 6 a bit too to balance the pressures. We're sorted. Pushed off. BUT NO....

Pushed off too hard, Honey drops the bung, we drift back into the bank. At the gun Mark's first move is to push off the bank, then draw. Needless to say it's not the best start.

We found out later this was also because Rob 'the rigger breaker' Patterson had not tied his feet in. DOH!

Once he got them back in (about a minute in) and we had 8 rowers the bump was a doddle.

Hopefully friday we can move up to 8 rowers and have the excitement IN the race. As Phil said, we've had all our bad luck and good luck in two days so we're on our own from now on. Surely nothing else can go wrong. Can it?

p.s Rob - private land training between now and fridays race - sit on an erg and practise feet in, feet out, feet in, feet out, feet IN. And repeat... (Dan Newton)
...And as for the Jesus 3 man who thinks he's in the fastest M3 VIII on the river... Well they ain't as fast as the fastest M3 VI/VII on the river, and one of these days we're gonna row all VIII. Then they'll be sorry. (Albert)
Rowed over
Race plan: All 8, feet in.

The beauty was in the simplicity.

We did a good start and moved up on Clare II. They bumped a crappy Catz II crew though. Their stroke man gestured forcefully at us as we rowed by. Most unsporting. This means that (a) they were petrified of us and (b) he has a small willy.

***CORRECTION - my sources tell me Clare stroke was actually cheering us on. Very sorry dude. I was too quick to anger and need glasses. I'm sure your willy is fine.***

Overbump was a maybe but we couldnt make four and a half lengths on them before they made one and half on the people they were chasing and bumped out.

A triple overbump, even for us, was not gonna happen.

In the end we realised that blades are just pretentious. If you get blades in the 3rd boat you're labelled a 'ringer'. We're too modest for that and so decided that up 3 is a much better result...... (touch wood) (Dan Newton)
This was a disappointing race in that we were quicker than Clare II, and would have almost definitely bumped them by Grassy. Unfortunately Catz II are woeful, so Clare hit them at First Post corner when we were around half a length off.

The row itself was fairly good, and the row over was solid and committed. It's a shame that the crews ended up in this order, but hey, this is bumps and it's days like today that make it so exciting. (Phil)
The row to first post was a bit 'agricultural'. We only closed on Clare II at one third of the rate they closed on Catz II. Further ahead LMBC II failed to take Grassy corner and so upset the form guide which led us to expect to be chasing them for a mammoth triple overbump. We chased Homerton down the reach in unremarkable fashion. Well done Clare II. (Rob)
Bumped St. Catharine's II
This was our revenge for Catz denying us blades yesterday (although our poor technique on first post reach played a part too). It was all over very quickly. Shame there's no "day 5" where we'd get another chance at Clare II. (Fergus)
Our rowing was solid but un-spectacular today. We didn't make a massive impression on Catz to start with, but they were clearly rowing at their limit, which meant they caught a crab and lost a seat half way down First Post Reach. We however could have continued to row out the course as we were, and so hit them just over halfway down First Post Reach.

Up 3 is a good result, not quite the one we were hoping for, but never mind. Maggie 3 got spoons today, so we're in with a good shot of taking 3rd VIII headship next year! (Phil)

1. So, do you .. errr.....
2. The long row takes i...
3. Catches in at the Pl...

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