Club Committee
2008-2009 Manifestos
James Strawson for FaT Webmaster 2008
NB: rowphoto.co.uk is a website I was able to access with my advanced interweb skillz (unlike you n00bs7 u got pwned).
Reasons to vote for me:
I will vote for you too.
Reasons not to vote for my opponents:
My 2k is much quicker than RoN’s.
RoN is a paedo. (There’s no smoke without fire. Except smoke machines. Which in this case would be some sort of kiddy fiddling machine. That sick bastard.)
Proposed and Seconded by:
Speech transcript
It was as I sat in my alcoholic, abusive uncle's caravan, parked up at the M11 services, somewhere east of Leicester, I knew that the internet would be my eventual salvation. But, it was only after watching the closing credits of Spiderman 2, tucking into a warm "Little Chef" burger, that I realised this aspiration would be best realised in partnership with the 1st/3rd Trinity Boat Club.
I watched Spiderman 2 for the first time on my laptop, via. The marvellous medium of the internet, and the relaxed copyright laws of eastern nations. As I counted the arms on Dr. Octopus to ensure anatomical accuracy, I realised that like Peter Parker, by day I fantasise about Kirsten Dunst, but by night I crawl the web, looking for pictures of Kirsten Dunst.
In fact, I use the internet for a variety of purposes. You may have heard RoN bragging about his formidable knowledge of the internet, even drunkenly claiming to have been a cameraman on the (quite shit) "Pimp my Erg" YouTube video. However, I am expert at both "talkrowing" and the Cambridge rowing message-boards, being an avid contributor on posts as philosophical and probing as "Is Toby Garnett shit?" I bought some test-tubes, distilled his seed, and the answer is "11". Toby Garnett is "11" shit. Sometimes I google-image search "rowing". Sometimes I use Yahoo. But never AskJeeves. Fuck you Jeeves. You can't row for shit.
In my early, naïve days, I thought that the internet was only good for words like "teen" and "celebrity upskirt", but with age, and maturity (my websearches are very, very mature), I have realised that the old people sometimes do it best. For this reason, I will be relying heavily on the advice of Bryn Garrod - this year's webmaster, who I think has sweet, sweet catches.
In closing, the web has made my deepest fantasies a reality. Now I want to do the same for Trinity rowing.