The Club's Results

Clearly Dubya was intent on cheating as he did a practice start on his warm up. He also opted not to prepare himself for the race by going and fetching a single from Ely and sculling it back....

A very poor start saw me lose sight of him entirely. My subsequent steering error took me into his puddles, so it wasn't until I extricated myself that I was able to make up any ground. I think I probably did close slightly (as the result shows there was overlap at the finish), but it was not enough.

It would not be fair of me to acknowledge a defeat without moaning about equipment failure at least once, so I shall say for now that the gearing on JPDs blades is not all that sensible for someone of my meagre strength. (Rose the Twat)

A Maggie boy who has had a single digit number of sculling outings was never going to be much of a threat, so this was fairly easy. Credit where it's due though - he also managed to take me off the start (perhaps I need to work on them?) (Rose the Twat)

I had a better start and didn't get dropped this time. Also my cruising speed seemed to be comfortably faster, so I was opening out distance. About 150m in Seb decided to take an early bath, so the rest of my race was spent trying not to laugh at his attempts to get back in. (Rose the Twat)

Fairly equally matched for the first few strokes, I decided to race hard for the final and moved away steadily down the course. A complete lack of inspired sculling for the entire duration of the races was topped off with one of the best bits I have ever done on the row home. Ah well. Thanks to Dyson and Farny (who knocked out the American and French competitors respectively), there will be another RTT Regatta next year, so perhaps by then my racing will have reached the same level as my UT2?

Thanks to everyone who turned up - in all we had 16 people racing which is not a bad turn out (and being a power of two is also easy to organise). Hopefully next year we'll have a few more craft so we can run more than two races at once! A full Henley style result list will go up once JPD has shown me how to use his script to generate them..... (Rose the Twat)

This was my first outing in Stump. As it was the first time I'd been out in a scull since Christmas, it didn't seem too bad a boat. Sadly, in an overenthusiastic attempt to get me to lose to a women and cause the invocation of Rule 15, Lilie had been given the Lola. As I was later to discover, its rig was a little unsettling, and Lilie was unable to produce the same tidy sculling she was later to display in her run to the final of the Plate. On the back of my most idle week in the last seven years, I was unwilling to expend too much energy, and paddled for most of the race, before practising a short wind to the line for the crowds. (Alex)

Since Rurik had been training, I managed to get hold of the Lola for this race. It enabled me to get slightly ahead off the start and keep sufficient pressure on Rurik for him to catch as many mini-crabs as I did. He got fed up and we both paddled over the line, only for everyone on the bank to demand a re-row, with the time taken to get to the start line to be included in the race. With Rurik racing back on the wrong side of the river, while I took my time waiting for him to run into traffic, we decided to wait for an umpire to start us properly again.

This time Manu made me give Rurik a little more room, but luckily I'd started to get the hang of the Lola's unorthodox rig and managed to put down sufficient work to gradually pull away. Rurik again wound down and we both paddled over the line. I felt somewhat exhausted. (Alex)

After a slight mishap at the start, I waited for Sarah to get going again, paddled alongside for a while and then wound for the line. Tom's plan to give me maximum opportunity to lose to a woman had finally been foiled. (Alex)

Tom's superior technique, fitness and boat did for me here. He was a worthy winner in the battle of the Burgashells...

Thank you to Tom R for a most enjoyable day's racing. (Alex)

An awful start and near swimming incident saw me at least a length down after about 2 strokes. Once I'd got it back together, I managed to slowly row through Mike, clash blades on the way and then sit behind him so he was rowing in my wash. This was in no way a tactical manouevere on my part - inability to steer meant I didn't really do the bend in the Reach, hence ended up his side! (Sarah)

This is the first time I've had a proper race in a single and I really enjoyed it. I had to work very hard off the start to take the lead and then maintain it and was just managing to hold on as Erica was coming back at me towards the end, when there was loads of yelling from the bank. I thought they were just cheering us on and telling me to steer (I had again failed to take the bend on the Reach) until I realised I was about to plough straight into a double who had kindly waited for our race to finish. Managed to miss them and apologised. (Sarah)

There was no way I was going to win this one, but crabbing and hitting the bank on stroke one didn't help. I was determined to go on the 'At' of 'Attention', but John said 'AttentionGo' so fast I got all flustered and messed up. Eton Boy graciously stopped for a re-row, which I did from a rolling start and he joined in when it was sporting. He also sportingly rowed alongside me for a while, before disappearing off into the distance. (Sarah)

My aims were modest for this regatta. Having not been in a scull since 1999, I was mainly hoping not to fall in. The racing itself was going to be a test of whether my lack of technique or lack of fitness was going to be the limiting factor; in the end, lack of technique won by a mile. In this race I was lulled into a bit of a false sense of security on stroke two when Sarah screamed and almost fell in, but she soon rowed through me to take a comfortable lead. There was a bit of a blade clash somewhere along the line (my fault I'm sure) but other than that, not a lot to suggest I might have a chance of winning. (Mike)

Well my sculling didn't get any better after my first race and I didn't even have the pleasure of a faster start in this race. It wasn't long before I gave up looking round to see where Lilie was and as I drifted over the line I heard the dreaded result of "easily". Again it was the total lack of technique that did for me; I can count the number of decent strokes I had on the fingers of one foot. At least I didn't fall in though, which puts me ahead of three other competitors. (Mike)

Indeed a surprising start for me, scuppering my chance of winning the plate. (Dubya)

Although Dyson warned me he was going to jump the start, I didn't quite catch on to the fact that when he said the 'Att' of attention he meant 'just before the start umpire opened his mouth'. Of course this didn't really have much impact as Dyson was already washing me down with his puddles within a couple of strokes. I tried to keep the pressure on, and clearly did enough to avoid him doing anything silly like going over the line stern first, but not enough to bring him back in sight. (Dubya)

In an effort to make Alex lose they gave me the Lola, which turned out to be impossible to row - pitched funnily to one side and very unstable. I suggested a more appropriate handicap would be to start Eton Boy off with his blades the wrong way round, then he could either switch them and row properly, or have to row with them back to front. Either way, he probably still would have won, to be fair.
Thanks to Eton boy for his advice on the start line "just rememeber the wobble is due to you, not the boat". (Lilie)

Afraid I've been doing quite a lot of cheating this week, mostly to avoid work, not too bad a scull for me really. (Lilie)

"A crabtacular display of sculling" as we both agreed, by both parties. Fortunately for me I caught slightly fewer than Jude. Sure she'll get her revenge in Foster-Fairbairns though! :) (Lilie)

The sculling was actually going pretty well, and I even seemed to not be losing too much ground until the umpire started telling me to steer - straight[ish] lines are apparently all i can cope with when sculling - can we hold this at Dorney next year?? Even then it wasn't too crab worthy, by my standards- quite a pleasing row really. (Lilie)

JPD spent the afternoon in bed.

He lost. (Rose the Twat)

This was definitely my achievement of the day. Possibly even of my time at Cambridge. For the benefit of anyone who's yet to attempt this: The 'easy' bit is getting both blades on the same side. It's then that you realise that you're pretty much screwed. Especially if, like me, you're too short to reach the gates on a good day, never mind a 'trying desperately not to fall in because both my blades are on the same side of the boat' day. Managed to get the loose blade hooked under the gate and over my leg, then attempted to undo the screw with my other foot. Some bastard had screwed them up properly tight thhough, so this failed. Resorted to kneeling up in the boat and achieved the gate unscrewing, then a stylish quick switch of blades so that the other one was now hooked under the gate got me halfway. The rest involved a bit less faff, and ultimately resulted in success, hooray :D (Lilie)

My slight headstart was lost after the first stroke as i tried to work out how to go off from frontstops without falling in, whilst Rurik eased past into a large lead which I unsuprisingly failed to challenge. (Rose the Twat)

Having worked out how to do frontstops starts, I got off to a better one this time around and didn't have to work too hard to pull away from the (slightly damp) opposition. This race was probably the least inept for me- I seem to go faster when I don't try and do too much pressure.. (Rose the Twat)

I think I was in front for about 4 or 5 strokes before some repeated crabbing and extremely poor sculling saw Lillie draw ahead to a comfortable lead. Fun race though! (Rose the Twat)

I had a fairly clear idea of how I was going to do this after watching Tom and Lilie's successful attempts, but sadly it didn't quite go to plan. I had one blade swapped and in the gate, but then it all went a bit wrong! I'd just about dried off by the time we left the Maypole, and then it started raining..

thanks for a great day tom! (Rose the Twat)

A gentle start and sedate rhythm saw me testing my injury and remaining 1/2l down from the staggered start. Clearly this was not to be tolerated, so a spectacular 10 stroke burst at 300m in saw me raise the rate by at least 10 pips and cruise past a floundering gaylord. Despite a return to quiching I was left with a respectable win from just a few strokes of actual effort. (Rose the Twat)

Having forgotten to square one of my blades, my 1/2l outside station advantage was quickly turned around into a 2/3l deficit. This was the situation for the first 150m, until I decided a push might be in order, which closed the gap to 1/3l. Some confusion over the bank steering and proximity of a New Hall VIII meant I stopped for a stroke and went back to 2/3l. At this point the competition took a slight downturn as it became clear that neither party wanted to have to attempt swapping the blades over and were thus getting slower and slower. This seemed a slightly sorry state of affairs, but thankfully we both realised that I could just change the rules instead (and wait until it was sunny) so we sprinted for the line over the last 100m. I won (just). (Rose the Twat)

How come RTT gets to win his own regatta? Surely should be against the rules! (Dubya)

As there was no start umpire we made a gentlemen's agreement to paddle up the course until we found one. The salad eating gayboy appeared after about 300m, so we decided to start. After 3 strokes I had taken a length and so I took it down to light. There was some confusion as to the location of the finish line, which ended with both scullers drifting the last 20m of the course, during which my opposition pulled back a length. (JPD)

Feeling quite good with the strokeside blade, but very strange things happening on bowside, my quarter-slide feathered start didn't give me the best first couple, and just as I got up to speed the bank started coming rapidly towards me. Perhaps little more practice next time...? (Jon)

Rosie had a bad start which saw me take about a length. Despite some dubious sculling (at least in part caused by the exotic but generally unpopular practice of negative bow side pitch), I absorbed his push and then moved to about 2/3 length ahead. At this point Rosie had moved significantly into my lane, but I was warned. I shouted in protest, at which point the large-buttocked one stopped sculling thinking he was about to crash. Soon after, I realised that I was going to win, which would have meant swapping the blades. As the race slowed to a snail's pace, the Pembroke-enchanted idiot sculled past me and, after a 6-stroke dash for the line, beat me by a Boatrace worthy 8 inches. (JPD)

I made a spacked but not disastrous start and was surprised to see myself hold or even move a little away from the Twat. This continued for a minute or so before my technique began to suffer at the moderately high rating I at which I was. At about the same time, Rampant Rose pushed and my counter-push saw my boat speed plummet. I turned round to see an imminent bank-collision and a distant Dwad so decided to wind down and we both paddled light up to the line. (Ingers)

Glass had knackered his shoulder so withdrew from the final. I did my start (as ever, it was much better than the one in the prior race) but then paddled light over the course watching in amusement as RTT and Gaypers tried to take out a New Hall VIII. (Ingers)

Lost to Gaypers, by less than a fair reflection of our difference in speed (Jon)

Taking to the water in the belief that Sarah was the one competitor with as little sculling experience as I, I displayed confidence if not expertise during my sedate paddle to the start.

However, a very shaky start allowed my adversary to move comfortably ahead within my first half-dozen strokes, providing conclusive proof that either
a) I am a girl or
b) SAT's 'sculling' experience was rather more extensive than mine (Martin)

"Lamb to the slaughter" is the expression that springs to mind.

I enjoyed my "race", although once "safely" across the line was saddened to find that there was no sign of Emily at all so comfortable was her win.

The crushing defeats to the fairer sex were greeted by frenzied excitement on the bank and even inspired mr earl to submit an instant announcement of my achievements worldwide via the internet. My meagre total of just 3 sculling outings in the last five years appeared to do little to deflate the glee with which my "supporters" mocked my efforts.

However, the moral victory over the innumerable landlubbers (even including a recent Granta colour) who declined to join me risking life and limb is unquestionably mine. (Martin)

As I was on the inside station, Alex had a 1/2 length head start. My start was good (or at least agressive), and after a few strokes we were clashing blades. Alex moved quickly away, and was able to cruise to the finish in front whilst I spannered at a high (but rapidly dropping) rate. (JPD)

Raced in Muddy Waters for this as Dan Holland had taken Magpie. Unfortunetly couldn't get to backstops, but otherwise felt a lot nicer to scull in.

Note to self: single strokes in tail wind need more work. (JPD)

On the outside station got about 3/4 length on the start, but Mark closed to about 1/2 on the corner. The tail wind had picked up and was whipping up some reasonable waves against the stream approaching the railway bridge. The sculling was not of a particularly high standard (meaning: terrible), but it got me through to the finish. (JPD)

Somewhat messy start but got it under a modicum of control for the rest of the row. Tried (unsuccessfully) to keep it pretty firm and fast so as to practice for the coming rounds. (Rose the Twat)

Better start and higher rate rhythm saw me move away steadily for the first 400m (or was this just Dubya being knackered after his cycling race earlier?). Stopped before the line but realised cheering was not due to my having won and set off again hoping noone had noticed (they had). (Rose the Twat)

Fairly poor start but into a nice rhythm for the first 250m saw me just 1/2 length down. Faltering on the corner and in the stronger breeze (could hardly be called a wind but still enough to affect my meagre abilities) I dropped the rate a little and dropped back to around a length, where I stayed until the finish. (Rose the Twat)

Got both blades over the bow side rigger, managed to hold both blades out of the swivel for a few seconds but failed to drop the stroke side one in and fell in, ripping open both sides of my right foot on the rigger. Oops. (JPD)

Martin did worry me when he got in and pushed off. He was looking very confident, while I was still on the bank struggling to move my footplate and not fall in.

I was very surprised therefore to pull away from him off the start and maintain my lead. This was in no way a reflection of my sculling technique though. By halfway through the 400m sprint the lactate had built up, though unfortunately this was in my arms and not my legs.

Note to self (in JPD stylee) - Learn to scull properly. (Sarah)

This one was definitely a foregone conclusion. (Sarah)

Not sure i agree with RTT's report on this. hed definitely won it by the start but as this was my first attempt at a racing start i guess it could have been worse. anyway i then edged my way up the course thanks to a rather generous tailwind and proceeded to crash into the bank pretty much at the finish line. (Dan)

Another stirling row from me, start was worse than the previous one as i noticed id managed to half-feather my strokeside blade just before tom called go. Suret proceeded to take a length and a bit off me and then added to that until about 50m from the finish. it seems the corners on the reach can be particularly deceptive to the novice sculler. anyway after disengaging from the bank i crossed the line some distance behind the winner, deservedly earning the "easily" margin. (Dan)

I was in the Pembroke boat for this one, it seemed very heavily geared. Or maybe my arms are just weak from all that cycling. Knackered from my 50k cycling race earlier in the day, I had a reasonable start which gradually turned into a substantial lead. (Dubya)

Hm. Wind had come up, I was knackered, and I'm shite at sculling. Put those three things together with a competent opponent and one thing is certain: I could not win. Rose would only have become stronger than we could possibly imagine. (Dubya)

JPD got away very quickly, but luckily I was on the station with a half length head start, so with some aggressive steering I was able to hold him off until eventually hitting some sort of a rhythm. Some time after half-way he seemed to get a bit tired, allowing me to settle sufficiently to keep out of too much trouble on the waves. (Alex)

On the other station this time, I was initially a bit worried as Darcy began to give me a taste of my own medicine, closing the door as I attempted to pass along the bank. I dropped back a bit and started to move out wide, and luckily this and some heated umpiring from the towpath persuaded him to give me enough room to paddle through. (Alex)

Tom very kindly let me have the outside station. Lacking JPD's storming start, he gave me little cause for panic, and I soon settled into a controlled if powerful race.

On to the blade swapping... Luckily I was allowed to switch from my Empacher to Muddy Waters. Unlike some people with their detailed strategies, in my case prior planning was notable only for its absence, save for the fortunate precaution of removing my socks and hat.

After an initial false start when I forgot to undo one of my gates, I had managed to slowly slide my bowside blade round to the strokeside gate, which had been opened ready for the blade's arrival-or so I thought. Unfortunately, the strokeside scull, which I had removed from the gate and was gripping tight against the rigger, was holding the gate against the backstay, leaving no way of getting the bowside blade into it short of lying down.

With both hands more than occupied and under pressure from Darcy's swift success, I foolishly heeded Dubya's advice from the bank to try to edge my hand gradually towards the gate. Things soon took a turn for the worse and as I hadn't fallen in from a single for 6 years, despite recent swimming practice at Ely, an undignified scramble for the bank was soon to ensue... (Alex)